Life is Weird.

So if you know me, you know i'm constantly saying how weird life is. For those of you i don't talk to on the daily.. LIFE IS WEIRD!

Ok so lets rewind to october 12, end of contract at Yellowstone, time to head south, start at Grand Canyon on the 17th! super stoked! have a blast of a time making my way to phoenix, camped in a forest, woke up surrounded by cows (the best thing ever!) got to phoenix all of the markie hangs and adventures, got to go cliff jumping. Monday rolls around, wake up, say bye and make my way to grand canyon. yeah! time to start chapter 2 of this adventure! So i get there and they're like nope and im like what and theyre like sorry and im like, now i know why they call it xanterrable.. 

So in a span of 10 minutes i go from employed at the grand canyon to unemployed and pretty much homeless in arizona. (being surrounded by forests, its really not that bad of a deal) so i have my moment of panic/stress/sadness. with a fairly salty attitude, proceed to look at the grand canyon.. cool a giant crack in the ground.. like i said, i was pretty salty.. and then me and nigel drive around the park aimlessly, realize how small this is compared to yellowstone, realize how much we love yellowstone.. go on a dope hike in flagstaff, fall a little bit in love with flagstaff, then make our way back to phoenix. thank god for markie.. if theres any friend i could have by my side in this situation its her. 

Nigel pretending to care.

And now it's Thursday.. monday: panic, tuesday: apply for jobs, wednesday: markie gives me chores, thursday: oh thursday! so in 3 days i went from being unemployed in arizona with no job options to having to make a choice between 4 different jobs.. hired on the spot at a cafe in sedona which is a hell of a town. great interview at a hotel in the heart of flagstaff, BIG SKY CALLED! and then the real kicker.. XANTERRA strikes again! calls me up today, tells me theres been an error and that the job is still available if i want it... WHAT THE SHIT LIFE?! Also i'm really starting to like phoenix. so really i have 5 options to chose from.. 

Grand canyon is like that ex that breaks up with you and then a few days later says nevermind, baby come back. and i'm like hell nah! but you're kinda cute and i kinda like you so i'm tempted but wait, you did me dirty so NOPE!

Sedona is gold, total babe, no games, invites you over and then suddenly makes you sleep on the couch

Flagstaff is like going to chili's for steak fajitas when you could get local organic filet mignon grilled to perfection for the same price elsewhere.

Phoenix is a total babe but kind of playing hard to get.

And Big Sky is that perfet 10 that you try to convince yourself you could never get but then you do and once you do you spend the whole time talking yourself out of the entire situation and end up ruining the whole relationship which could have turned out really great.

OH.. there's also home, I could go home, work at the surf shop for winter and come back this way for spring. but that feels kind of like contacting that mediocre bootycall that you haven't talked to in a year.

So.. thats my life right now.  

Random Acts of Thought

Well.. I got so busy living that i forgot to write.. heres some random, undated thoughts. 

--snowball fights. big sky. new friends. new music. coffee. cruising. day trips with a colorful band of hooligans. hangs at opalescent pool. bison carcass. just missing 2 grizzlies. elk for days. all of the scarves.

--Tonight home is old faithful, in 3 days home will be my jeep, in 4 days it will be phoenix, in 8 it will be the grand canyon (ha).. I reently told my mom that i would rather live in a van than in a house and her reaction was, “i don’t want you being a hobo”.. who says i have to have a house or an apartment? what makes someone living in their vehicle a “hobo”? what the shit is a hobo even? if i have a job, an income, am able to feed myself and pay my bills I’m pretty sure I’m not a hobo, just because i choose to live minimally in what i’d consider a studio apartment on 4 tires doesn’t make me any less of a person.

--well today is surreal. the lodge is closed for the season, the jeep is packed up, my uniforms are turned in, packages mailed. The parking lot is empty, halls are silent, the internet works better, the park is preparing for winter and i’m preparing for my departure. this has been an incredible 2 months. As i continue to learn about myself and life and what i want out of it i realize how much I’ve grown. its amazing how pure life is when you surround yourself with likeminded people. I’ve made some incredible friends out here and tomorrow morning we will say our see you laters and suddenly this adventure we’ve all been on together will become a solo journey once again. 

Fourfeather

     I was driving home today, winding roads thru the mountains, listening to some trevor hall. got to thinking about a conversation i had with a guy named fourfeather back on big island. i ran into him in town, he asked me how i was doing and i told him that i didn’t really know what i was doing, just left the farm, was pretty down about the way things had turned out. we talked for a bit, he said to me, “life is like surfing and if i think about it, right now I’m going thru a wipeout, getting tossed around, don’t know which way is up, but eventually ill come to the surface, hop back on my board, paddle back out, duck dive thru some waves, eventually get back out past the break, have a minute to chill and then catch the wave and do it all over again. sometimes ill wipe out, some times ill ride the wave.  sometimes there will be a big wave and i'll be afraid to paddle for it, other times i may let a little wave pass me by and later regret not taking it because little waves are fun too. 

     anyhow, i realized today that a pretty big wave came my way, i chanced it and now I’m riding the wave! i made it thru the wipeout, had a few obstacles along the way (my journey to maui, back to big island, and eventually to florida) made it past the break and had 6 months to chill at home. paddled for a little wave (which i almost passed up) caught it and road tripped with some friends around oregon and california. got the stoke back, realized I’m in control of my life, things are looking up, i’m happiest on the road. paddled back out, hung at home for a month and paddled for the big wave that is yellowstone!

     So just like in surfing, the longer you do it the better you get at selecting the right waves, riding the wave and wiping out. I know there will be plenty more wipeouts on this journey that is life but I’m learning that while i may not be able to change a person, or a circumstance, i can change myself and how i respond and who i am being when i do wipeout. 

No bad days

So today I went into work all stoked to be off at 6, had plans to go on a sunset adventure with a friend and then halfway thru my day found out they had changed my schedule and I have to close. I was instantly pissed, day ruined, super frustrated, especially because I'm bussing today which is never much fun. Then I realized that this is the most frustrated I've been in a long while. Something so minor and I'm like wait, I'm so lucky that this is what i have to be annoyed about so maybe I should just get over it and appreciate that the worst part of my day is that i'm "stuck" having to watch sunset from the dining room of old faithful lodge, something not many people get to do once in their lives, much less 5 days a week. So really no matter what, I'm blessed, it all depends on how I wanna look at it. Then i start to think about my friends back home, the stuff i see on facebook, honestly i stay off of facebook a lot these days because 90% of it is people complaining about life. so that gets me thinking, most of the stuff i see people complaining about are just as minor as my frustration about having to stay at work late, the only difference is that im here and they're there. so maybe if people were happier with their life situations they'd realize how silly their complaining is. but then i remember that ive tried to get so many people to come out here or out of that town in general but most of them are too afraid to leave.. which i get because i was afraid to leave once too. but dang. once you get out of that town and follow your path, do exactly what you're doing there but somewhere more amazing you realize how good life can be. i wish the people i care about could understand that the hardest part about leaving is making the decision to do it. like stop complaining about the same old bullshit day in and day out and do something about it. when you realize that you can do what you want where you want everything becomes so much easier. for some reason we've been groomed to think that theres only one way to do things, that we have to work too many hours at a job we can barely stand so that we can pay for things we dont need and a house thats too big, etc... but it doesnt have to be like that.. i can think of at least 5 friends back home who are working jobs they dont really like, paying bills they dont need to be paying, and making excuses they dont need to be making. you are in control of your own happiness. nothing in this life can hold you back from doing what you want other than yourself. there are people out here working with me who have pets and kids and things that could easily hold them back if they allowed it but they made the choice to put themselves first and when you put yourself first theres no bad days and that's pretty awesome ☺ 

In Due Time

i've been reading this book, Live your truth and wanted to share some bits from it:

"When something comes from within, when it is a part of you, you have no choice but to live it, to express it. That’s when you become, well, awesome. There is one rule, though: once you discover your truth, you have to go all in. Fully. Every single chip. That is when the shift happens. As if there’s a force in life waiting for us to make the decision, to commit, jump off that cliff. Then life breathes a deep sigh and opens the gates, fills the sails. It’s magical to experience. I wish that for you."

"Sometimes, the only way to evolve is to open ourselves fully. Be raw, honest. Vulnerable. That’s another thing I’ve learned. There is strength in this vulnerability, in tearing down the walls. People sense it in you. The world is hungry for it. And the greatest healing — for you, for those around you — it comes from opening. Opening yourself wide. To your humanness, to your feelings. And ultimately, to yourself."

                        Kamal Ravikant:  Live Your Truth 

Kalapana Sunset

In the process of writing out this post i started to look thru my pics from hawaii, so now im here seeing these pictures, the human that i was, the things i was doing, the beauty all around me and my heart is hurting. I fell in love on that island, with the land, with friends, with animals, with beauty, with aunties and uncles, with myself, with pain. I embraced all that is life, learned to live, learned to be humble and strong and to trust myself, to feel, to accept and embrace my emotions. I miss the island, my friends, auntie mari, the farm, the beach boys, the smell of the jungle, pohoiki, red road, the food, coqui frogs, literally everything. i know i'll return eventually. my heart feels ready, i feel ready but the time doesnt feel right, and if there's one thing ive learned from that island its that timing is everything. i will continue to go with the flow because thats how it works. but holy shit, those islands have me feelin some type of way. 

Who Have I Been? Who Am I Becoming?

This weekend was everything.. 

     First, lets rewind to August 30, 2015, the day she told me we were done. She looked me in the eye, told me she was unhappy with me, didn’t want to try anymore, thought it would be best for us to just break up.  i was feeling pretty destroyed. recently ive been reflecting on where i was a year ago and i realize how far I’ve come. i was a weak, insecure, afraid, depressed little human. I remember  packing some of my things and leaving the farm that day. I had no idea where to go or what to do so i found a spot on the side of red road, pitched a tent and camped out. i cried more and harder than I’ve ever cried in my life, all i could think about was what was wrong with me. A few days after the breakup, once i finally accepted that it was really over, i went to the farm to get the rest of my things. She had left a note on the desk for me, there was a part in the note where she said she wanted me to live, to experience new things, try new foods, make friends with the locals, fall in love with myself.. The things she said in that letter set me free, gave me the courage to just go for it. I think initially i was just doing it all for her but it ended up being all for me. 

     So now here we are, it's August 30, 2016.. Im happy as a clam, living life on my terms, confident, in love with myself more than ever before. Ive tried all kinds of new foods, made friends with so many new people, some of the most amazing humans. I realize that a failed relationship isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning. She set me free in so many ways, and for that i’m thankful. This weekend myself and 2 friends packed up the jeep and headed west. In case you’re wondering, 3 grown women can, in fact, fit in a walmart kids tent. We camped, hiked, ate green papaya salad and other delicious thai foods, we laughed all of the laughs, made friends with strangers and puppies, drank good coffee, talked about life, the struggle, successes, and whats next.. it was pretty much everything we all needed. It's cool how life always manages to give you the people you need exactly when you need them.  Wednesday comes, we're back home, and i fall asleep with a smile on my face because this has been one of the best weekends ever. I’m so thankful for every curveball life has thrown me, especially in the past year. I have done more self exploration and living than i ever would have expected and it wouldn’t have happened without having my ass kicked a time or two.

Fast Cars & Freedom Part 2

Markie and Hojo Adventures

     July 26th ..MOAB it is!! Im stoked for two reasons. 1. because i love straying from my original plans and 2 because Markie! in the last 6 months markie has become one of my best friends. its that soulmate kind of friendship. she’s also my number 1 adventure pal. so I’m excited to experience moab with her.  i wake up at the crack of dawn, catch sunrise, and head west. driving thru colorado on 70 is blowing my mind. this is the first time I’ve seen mountains like these. Crazy winding roads thru the mountains, i can’t really put into words what was going thru my head, its one of those things you’ve just gotta do.  …Alright, I’m out of Colorado and into Utah and the terrain is changing on me again. starting to look more like the desert, I’m only an hour and a half away at this point and I’m starting to get giddy.. Markie has been telling me how much she loves moab for as long as i can remember so I’m really stoked to be experiencing it with her for the first time. An hour passes and I’m driving into moab, listening to Nahko, Wash it away (if you’ve never heard of nacho and medicine for the people, do yourself a favor and look them up. 2.5 years later and their music continues to speak to me).

Moab

the beauty of moab and this song hit me right in the feels. I’m in awe and I’m crying and smiling and just so stoked to be living. to be doing this in general! I’m moving to yellowstone, tomorrow and I’m spending the day with my best friend in moab today!! so many feels. I arrive at the house markie is staying at. her friend is a base jumper, skydive instructor, and hot air balloon pilot. this is gonna be fun. we grab some beers from the local brewery, i learn about utah’s weird drinking laws, and we head out for a hike. it was a pretty short hike, super hot out but not florida hot so I’m fine. we get to the middle of this canyon and the silence is breath taking.. how have i not experienced this before. again I’m imagining what this must have been like for the native americans. you could literally hear a pin drop in here, what must it have been like to hear your enemies coming or wild animals.. so much to think about. we play around on some rocks, throw rocks into holes pack out and head to a lake. This is the first real lake I’ve ever experienced. i mean florida has lakes but you don’t really want to swim in them because algae and gators and snakes. this place is magic.

The Lake

A giant blue lake surrounded by giant red rocks. rocky bottom, no creepy animals to worry about. we swim, play with the rocks, wonder what kids do at lakes because you can’t cover yourself in sand or build castles. realize that in this part of the country most people don't know how to swim and thats weird.. its nice not having sand stuck to you but kinda painful laying out on rocks. We drink some beers, head to town eat some amazing italian food, hang at a bar and discuss polygamy because, utah and i figure out my game plan for tomorrow. we go to a friends house, they’re playing poker, me and markie are tired and awkward, head back to friends house, sleep. big day tomorrow, I’m kind of freaking out! TO BE CONTINUED...

Filthy 50

Long Exposure of Old Faithful.

     Aug 27. tonight i watched old faithful erupt for the 50th time! i almost skipped out on this one because i was tired from working but I’m so glad i snapped myself out of lazy mode. being on the basin at night is kind of an erie thing. Tonight i was completely alone, something I’ve never experienced out here, theres usually  a few people out taking photos but tonight it was just me. i hear stories about elk, bears, wolves, and coyotes wandering around old faithful at night so to be all alone kind of got to me. i had mixed emotions of fear and excitement. i think being out here and adventuring alone as much as i do is teaching me when to trust my gut and when to chalk it up as fear. kind of a cool thing really. anyhow, i got there about 20 minutes early and as I’m sitting there waiting for the eruption I’m able to hear all of the sounds of the basin.. sizzles and pops from steam vents nearby, the thunderous roar of old faithful heating up, weird sounding birds, coyotes in the distance. even managed to see a shooting star. the stars out here are incredible. milky way for days. i thought i had seen the milky way in hawaii but that was nothing compared here. this park is magic. it’s no wonder it was the first national park established.. sitting out there tonight i couldn’t help but think about the native americans and what they must have felt about this place.

Bonus: Long Exposure of Old Faithful Visitor Center

Fast Cars & Freedom

Cya later Florida!

     Ok so its july 21st, time to head out to montana! Im due in gardiner on july 28th. my original plan was to go to daphne alabama to see my mom, then camp in arkansas, then camp on a lake in middle of nowhere kansas, find somewhere to sleep in colorado, camp somewhere outside of jackson wyoming and then arrive in gardiner on the 28th. 

There’s a reason i never make plans, its because i have a really hard time keeping to them. So i head to daphne, stopping for an adventure at cellon oak park, the largest living oak tree in florida. i climb around, take some pics, admire the shit out of this thing and then get back on the road. As i approach tallahassee and remember the old saint augustine highway is supposed to be beautiful, so i make another detour and cruise this gorgeous oak tree tunnel road just outside the city. I land in downtown tallahassee, make a wrong turn and end up at a night market on a lake. this is awesome! grab some food from a puerto rican food truck, eat by the lake, get harassed by a duck, and head out. finally get to moms, stoked to see her! she’s doing well, we have some beers and catch up. i stay there for 2 nights. 

Cellon Oak

Old St. Augustine Rd.

   

Watermelon Selfies!

     It’s July 23rd and now I’m officially yellowstone bound! I say goodbye to mom, she cries, of course. My plan for the day: get to mt nebo state park to camp for the night. first stop: watermelon patch in seminary missouri to take a selfie sitting in a giant watermelon on the side of the road. theres a store, i pop in, lots of weird clothes and trinkets. that was fun, now on to pinnacle mountain state park, where i hear there’s a great view of sunset. drive thru insane rains in mississippi and arkansas. nothing but corn fields and storms. always thought florida had good thunder and lightning till i drove thru arkansas. when you spend this much time alone on the road you have a lot of time to think, reflect, and feel. this day was full of that. Lots of tears, remembering how the last time i drove across country it was under completely different circumstances. A song came on that took me back to a moment i shared with my ex on our trip and i lost it. funny how music can do that to us.. 

Pinnacle Mountain Sunset

Anyhow, I finally arrive at pinnacle just in time for an amazing sunset. got a little lost but saw some great views along the way. sunset was gorgeous, this was the first time i really noticed the terrain changing from flat florida to rocky forests. pretty stoked. hike around a bit, take it all in. arrive at mt nebo state park at night. laughing out loud by myself on the drive into the park. pitch black up steep switchbacks. its setting in that I’m actually doing this! get to the campground, can’t see a thing, can’t find my campsite, drive around aimlessly for a bit. finally find it and set up in the dark, excited to see what I’m waking up to in the morning. so many cicadas singing me to sleep. its hot out, walmart kids tent doesn’t have cross ventilation. oh well. sleep like a baby.

Mt Nebo State Park

     Ok so July 24th was so much fun! I wake up to an amazing view. gotta decide if i want to stay and explore the park or head out to kansas. long day of driving. decide to head out because weather. drive drive drive. oklahoma is HOT! I plan on staying at a campground in scott city kansas. get to wichita, where i see a mini horse at a gas station, and decide to say f*ck it and go to kansas city to see jordan! what a great decision! So i drive 3 hours out of my way but finally arrive in KC and am so stoked. Me and Jord have been friends for a solid 10 years, haven’t seen each other in like 3. her place is awesome. get to see pops, poo man and brodie (her dad and 2 dogs)! we go to sunset at a park downtown, meet all her friends, head back to her place for bbq.

Kansas City Sunset

I’m quickly falling in love with this place and these people. after quite a few pbr’s we go to this pirate ship playground. it starts to lightning. we play in the rain, soaking wet, laughs, funs, these are good people. life is good, i could stay here! a few more adventures downtown and then sleep.

     July 25th. gotta leave KC. Jord takes me to get the first good coffee I’ve had in days at a place called mud pie and we get bbq at some dope spot in kansas city, kansas. we say our goodbyes and I’m on the road again. this time headed towards colorado. this is my longest day of driving.. 12 hrs. i go about 30min out of the way to visit monument rocks in oakley kansas. what a cool spot. drive thru cow pastures, get stuck in a few cow jams (a traffic jam but with cows). so these rocks are made of sediment, this whole area used to be underwater at one point. its one of those things you can’t really explain, you’ve just gotta see it for yourself. massive rock formations in the middle of flat farmland kansas. 

Monument Rocks, Oakley Kansas

Ok so I'm back on the road, tired but I’ve still got 8 hours to go and the colorado mountains are calling my name. the excitement from monument and a beautiful kansas sunset give me a good second wind. i pass thru denver and decide i'll pull off to sleep somewhere around breckenridge. find a dope mountainside pullout with a bunch of rv’s and truckers and decide this is my spot for the night. set up bed in back of jeep. and pass out. this is the first time I’m feeling the climate change. started the day in 100 degree kansas and ending it in 50 degree colorado. stoked!

     

     July 26th. wake up for sunrise and holy cow is this beautiful. One of my most favorite things do do is to arrive somewhere at night with no clue what ill wake up to in the morning. its like christmas looking out the window or tent and looking around to see you’re surrounded by beauty. its an amazing thing. 

Breckenridge Sunrise

get coffee and gas and crappy road trip breakfast food and I’m faced with another decision.. one of my greatest friends ever who just moved to phoenix will be in moab.. so do i stay on my course or drive 8hrs out of the way to see her? i hear moab is a must and its my bestie so yolo, I’m going to moab!  TO BE CONTINUED…

Welcome to The Wandering Goat!

     alright so i’ve been wanting to start a blog for a while and halfway thru this yellowstone adventure i figure if i don’t start now, i probably never will so here goes.. i've got quite a bit of catching up to do so i’ll start off with a quick recap of the year and a half leading up to me moving to yellowstone.

     I was working at ron jon surf shop doing the responsible adult thing, you know, working 40hrs a week, had 2 dogs and an apartment on the beach. My friends were great. Work hard play hard kinda life. then i meet this girl, she’s amazing, we hit it off, fall in love, you know the deal. 6 months later she’s like lets move to hawaii, I’m like duh. so off we go, sell everything, give my dogs to a friend and drive to california, ship my car, and hop on a flight to big island. 

life is good this is amazing. living on a farm 4 miles from the best surf spot ever. Meet amazing people, tons of adventures etc. Then we break up. Im convinced my life is over, typical break up nonsense. I’m on this island in the middle of the ocean and the girl i love told me i gotta go. What now? In comes Mari (best auntie ever) she takes me in for a bit, gets my head straight, pretty much kept me from completely losing it. i apply for jobs on other islands. a surf shop in maui calls, i take the job and move to maui. was only there for a few months before heading back to big island and then eventually back to florida. maui was amazing part of me feels like i left to soon but i know i’ll be back so it’s all good. 

     so i move back to florida, get a job downtown melbourne, move in with a friend. life is good. i have walls and a real shower and a bed (something i didn’t have for months living in hawaii). Fast forward 6 months.. I’m losing my mind! the thing about traveling like i did is that once you do it it’s really freaking hard to live a normal life. i went on a road trip with 2 friends in late may and realized i would much rather live in a van and work and travel. so i get home from the road trip and really ask myself what it is i want to do. I love home, i’ve got a good job, my family and i are closer than ever, my friends are great, but i realize I’m so incredibly unhappy. So i apply for some jobs, figured if i was meant to go i’d get a phone call and if i was meant to stay i wouldn’t hear anything. anyhow 2 days later i get a call from xanterra at yellowstone offering me a job doing the same thing I’m doing in florida, making the same amount of money, only cost of living is cut in half and I’m living in freaking YELLOWSTONE. this was actually a pretty tough decision for me because I’ve finally got this really great relationship going with my dad and grandmother and i didn’t want to upset them by leaving. but the job is only for 2.5 months rather than the open ended kind of move i made to hawaii. So i take the job! they called me on july 14th and i was due to start work on july 28th, so i had a lot to do in a little amount of time. quit my job, said my good byes, packed up my jeep and headed across country for the second time! Best part was that this time it was on my terms. every decision made, place visited, adventure taken was up to me. I’m pumped! also terrified :D 

     by the way, my name is jenn, i love goats, i'm a professional life liver from florida, and when i write i capitalize and punctuate when i feel like it. welcome to my blog!