Fourfeather

     I was driving home today, winding roads thru the mountains, listening to some trevor hall. got to thinking about a conversation i had with a guy named fourfeather back on big island. i ran into him in town, he asked me how i was doing and i told him that i didn’t really know what i was doing, just left the farm, was pretty down about the way things had turned out. we talked for a bit, he said to me, “life is like surfing and if i think about it, right now I’m going thru a wipeout, getting tossed around, don’t know which way is up, but eventually ill come to the surface, hop back on my board, paddle back out, duck dive thru some waves, eventually get back out past the break, have a minute to chill and then catch the wave and do it all over again. sometimes ill wipe out, some times ill ride the wave.  sometimes there will be a big wave and i'll be afraid to paddle for it, other times i may let a little wave pass me by and later regret not taking it because little waves are fun too. 

     anyhow, i realized today that a pretty big wave came my way, i chanced it and now I’m riding the wave! i made it thru the wipeout, had a few obstacles along the way (my journey to maui, back to big island, and eventually to florida) made it past the break and had 6 months to chill at home. paddled for a little wave (which i almost passed up) caught it and road tripped with some friends around oregon and california. got the stoke back, realized I’m in control of my life, things are looking up, i’m happiest on the road. paddled back out, hung at home for a month and paddled for the big wave that is yellowstone!

     So just like in surfing, the longer you do it the better you get at selecting the right waves, riding the wave and wiping out. I know there will be plenty more wipeouts on this journey that is life but I’m learning that while i may not be able to change a person, or a circumstance, i can change myself and how i respond and who i am being when i do wipeout. 

No bad days

So today I went into work all stoked to be off at 6, had plans to go on a sunset adventure with a friend and then halfway thru my day found out they had changed my schedule and I have to close. I was instantly pissed, day ruined, super frustrated, especially because I'm bussing today which is never much fun. Then I realized that this is the most frustrated I've been in a long while. Something so minor and I'm like wait, I'm so lucky that this is what i have to be annoyed about so maybe I should just get over it and appreciate that the worst part of my day is that i'm "stuck" having to watch sunset from the dining room of old faithful lodge, something not many people get to do once in their lives, much less 5 days a week. So really no matter what, I'm blessed, it all depends on how I wanna look at it. Then i start to think about my friends back home, the stuff i see on facebook, honestly i stay off of facebook a lot these days because 90% of it is people complaining about life. so that gets me thinking, most of the stuff i see people complaining about are just as minor as my frustration about having to stay at work late, the only difference is that im here and they're there. so maybe if people were happier with their life situations they'd realize how silly their complaining is. but then i remember that ive tried to get so many people to come out here or out of that town in general but most of them are too afraid to leave.. which i get because i was afraid to leave once too. but dang. once you get out of that town and follow your path, do exactly what you're doing there but somewhere more amazing you realize how good life can be. i wish the people i care about could understand that the hardest part about leaving is making the decision to do it. like stop complaining about the same old bullshit day in and day out and do something about it. when you realize that you can do what you want where you want everything becomes so much easier. for some reason we've been groomed to think that theres only one way to do things, that we have to work too many hours at a job we can barely stand so that we can pay for things we dont need and a house thats too big, etc... but it doesnt have to be like that.. i can think of at least 5 friends back home who are working jobs they dont really like, paying bills they dont need to be paying, and making excuses they dont need to be making. you are in control of your own happiness. nothing in this life can hold you back from doing what you want other than yourself. there are people out here working with me who have pets and kids and things that could easily hold them back if they allowed it but they made the choice to put themselves first and when you put yourself first theres no bad days and that's pretty awesome ☺ 

In Due Time

i've been reading this book, Live your truth and wanted to share some bits from it:

"When something comes from within, when it is a part of you, you have no choice but to live it, to express it. That’s when you become, well, awesome. There is one rule, though: once you discover your truth, you have to go all in. Fully. Every single chip. That is when the shift happens. As if there’s a force in life waiting for us to make the decision, to commit, jump off that cliff. Then life breathes a deep sigh and opens the gates, fills the sails. It’s magical to experience. I wish that for you."

"Sometimes, the only way to evolve is to open ourselves fully. Be raw, honest. Vulnerable. That’s another thing I’ve learned. There is strength in this vulnerability, in tearing down the walls. People sense it in you. The world is hungry for it. And the greatest healing — for you, for those around you — it comes from opening. Opening yourself wide. To your humanness, to your feelings. And ultimately, to yourself."

                        Kamal Ravikant:  Live Your Truth 

Kalapana Sunset

In the process of writing out this post i started to look thru my pics from hawaii, so now im here seeing these pictures, the human that i was, the things i was doing, the beauty all around me and my heart is hurting. I fell in love on that island, with the land, with friends, with animals, with beauty, with aunties and uncles, with myself, with pain. I embraced all that is life, learned to live, learned to be humble and strong and to trust myself, to feel, to accept and embrace my emotions. I miss the island, my friends, auntie mari, the farm, the beach boys, the smell of the jungle, pohoiki, red road, the food, coqui frogs, literally everything. i know i'll return eventually. my heart feels ready, i feel ready but the time doesnt feel right, and if there's one thing ive learned from that island its that timing is everything. i will continue to go with the flow because thats how it works. but holy shit, those islands have me feelin some type of way.